Thursday, July 9, 2009

Addiction

Things are definitely not going well. I've no idea what the hell I want, I've no idea what the hell I'm thinking. Am I asking too much? Am I not matured enough? Am I not meant to be loved, thus not meant to love? Or is it just that we're not meant to be?

I completely understand that I'm being very difficult. And I'm being a total bitch. And that if this persist, he will eventually get tired of me, and leave me. And I will end up alone. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to accept another again. So there you go, single forever. Well I'm not being a pessimist (although most of the time I am). I just know.

This is not what I want. Yet, I don't know why I keep doing this. It's as if... as if subconciously I want that to happen, I want him to leave me. Sometimes I know it's wrong but I can't help doing it. It's like... it's like you know alcohol, or cigarettes, or drugs are bad for health but you can't help craving it.

Addiction. That's what it is, I guess. I'm addicted to feeling unhappy.

p.s. ShinTien mentioned to me recently that my blog is lacking its soul. She commented that I haven't written anything dark these days. Well I certainly hope this is dark enough for her.

3 comments:

confessions of a medical student said...

shinLoo, i am very worried for you... called you also cannot reach you... are you alright?? do send me a msg when you see this...

addicted to being unhappy???

then what am i?

never happy??

maybe when one had never reached that level of happiness, they wouldn't realise that they had been unhappy all these while...

ophs, i shouldn't inject darkness here...

motivational talk: life is full of ups and downs... with downs, you appreciate the ups... because of the darkness of the sky, you can see the stars above... how else would you notice the beauty of those stars... but remember, the stars are always there, watching over you... you just hv to open your eyes big big to see it ^^

do cheer up ya~

take care...

MODERN ROBINSON CRUSOE said...

Really sum up well by shinyin above...

Do cheer up & appreciate your loved one coz
"with downs, you appreciate the ups" :-D

shinloo said...

thanks ppl =)
appreciate it...